... thus far today, I have:

* had to stand on the train next to "smelly guy," who decided to hold on to the pole behind my head, thus exposing me terribly to his underarm region.

* had my desk chair tampered with at some point over the weekend, so that when I sat down, I hit my chin on the desktop (I'm not even kidding).

* had to exchange said desk chair with that of a recently departed co-worker, and in the process, the cute bow on my right kitten heel shoe snapped off.  now my right foot is weeping silently, but trying to just get through the day.  poor foot.

* spilled hot tea in my lap and all over my keyboard

* been exposed to pictures of massive, unnatural boobs when one of my office's award program's information accidentally got cross-posted on an innappropriate blog, and I got sent in to fix it.  I hadn't yet had enough tea (see previous gripe) to handle boobs of these dimensions, not to mention the NSFW factor (luckily, all of my co-workers are funny women who crowded around my desk for a "peek").

* discovered that the bug fog sprayed all over our office on friday evening did not, in fact, kill the gnasty gnats that are setting up their homes here.  and they appear to now be bigger and stronger. 

honestly, what the fuck am I doing out of bed?

could someone please explain to me why hellman's mayonnaise seems to be leading the television/internet advertising charge for the "real food" movement?  
first, when did mayonnaise become food?  are we considering condiments food now?  so the ketchup and water mixture I used to "cook up" as a kid and try to make my friends eat - that constituted as an actual entree, or at least as a first course? 
second, does it seem strange to anyone else that hellman's mayonnaise is using the fact that their product is nothing but whole eggs and pure oil to tout themselves as a health food?  yes, our product could very possibly give you high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes if eaten on a consistent basis, but it's all natural.  it's real food.

really.

also: 
with all of the wife/child murders lately, I think the world has gone a little mad.  or at least the married world?  
gentlemen: a plea.  if, when contemplating a spouse and a future family, settling down somewhere and supporting said family, and spending the rest of your life with said spouse and family, any unsettling feelings of caginess and ensuing thoughts of homicide occur, do not get married.  some people aren't meant to marry and have children.  that's fine.  that's what escort services and/or girlfriends/boyfriends with really low expectations are for.

among other things, this blog of mine seems to have become a sounding board about: 

the pistons (but let's not even talk about them right now - the wound is still too fresh)

working life

roller coasters

and speaking of the latter:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/06/10/coaster.scare.ap/index.html

once again, it will be a bizarro day in the universe when I set foot on a roller coaster.  I will not allow my tombstone to read: "She led a good life, and then she mistakenly went to Six Flags." 

those poor upside-down people.  I bet they're waking up with murderous headaches today...